Examples of when you are a victim of psychological violence
Isolation is psychological violence
Isolation is the first step in breaking another person down, and it can happen without you even realizing it. Isolation is an incredibly powerful tool that, in the long run, can make you completely unaware of what's happening in the real world. It also limits your ability to tell the outside world about what you're going through, and this state suddenly becomes the new normal. If your partner often talks down your friends or family or creates unnecessary conflicts between you and those around you, it can create a misunderstood and distorted image that your partner is the only one who can and will spend time with you. It becomes a state where you don't feel like you have a confidant in your circle, and this is where it starts to get dangerous.
If your partner is trying to isolate you from the outside world, seek help.
Control is psychological violence
If your partner exerts control over you, this is also psychological violence. It is similar to isolation, as we described above, as control equally restricts your freedom of movement. Excessive control makes you unable to make decisions for yourself in the long run. If your partner, without your consent, goes through your private messages, emails or belongings looking for "evidence", decides who you can see and talk to or dictates how you can dress, this is very controlling behavior. The excessive control makes you unsure of who and what you can trust, and you slowly end up acting the way your partner wants you to in order to avoid the unpredictable consequences.
If your partner is controlling you, seek help.
Threats are psychological violence
A threat is a statement that you will do harm if you don't get what you want. In a psychologically abusive relationship, the threats will come from your partner, whether it's your partner, you, your children or a third person - either way, it's psychological violence.
Threats from your partner may include threats to seriously harm themselves or, in extreme cases, commit suicide. These types of threats are typically triggered by the fact that you may have expressed a desire to leave your partner.
Threatsagainst you may include your partner threatening to physically harm you, share private photos or create malicious rumors about you if you don't do as they say.
Threats aroundyour shared children could include your partner threatening to harm the children or take the children away from you as punishment for something you did that your partner didn't approve of.
Threats around a third person could be your partner threatening to harm a person who in one way or another has something to do with you in your daily life. It could be a work colleague, a good friend or a family member who has come into your partner's spotlight.
Regardless of the nature of the threat, it creates an unsafe environment where you constantly fear for your actions and the consequences of these. These are often empty threats, but the constant uncertainty will be psychological terror for you to live in.
If your partner threatens you, seek help.
Degrading behavior is psychological violence
If your partner humiliates you, talks down to you, constantly criticizes your personality and appearance or calls you names you don't like, it's psychologically abusive for you to listen to. It may be a method your partner uses to keep you in an uneven power relationship, and you end up believing you're not good enough in the long run. This psychologically abusive behavior will confirm that you are worthless and that the only one who can and will love you is your partner - in the same way that isolation has this effect.
If your partner belittles you on a daily basis, seek help.
Blaming you for the abusive behavior is psychological violence
Blaming yourself for the abusive behavior is similar to the belittling behavior we described above, as it gives you the misguided impression that you are not good enough and are the cause of the problem. This can be expressed in phrases such as: "If you didn't do x, then I wouldn't have to do x", as this sentence justifies your partner's abusive behavior while emphasizing that your behavior is the problem. Another way to look at it would be to say: "If you just change yourself and your behavior, there's no problem". This behavior unconsciously forces you to constantly correct your behavior, and you end up believing that your authentic self is the cause of the psychologically abusive behavior.
It also makes you keep the psychologically abusive behavior a secret from the world around you, as you don't want others to find out how bad a person you really are - because no good person deserves this behavior, right?
If your partner blames you for their psychologically abusive behavior, seek help.
When your partner switches between hot and cold, it's psychological violence
Security is the foundation of many healthy relationships, so it can be a psychological terror to be in a relationship where you don't know if you're in the thick of it or out in the cold. If, out of the blue, your partner becomes emotionally distant and in (almost) the same moment loves you unconditionally, it creates an unsafe situation for you to be in. Since it's emotionally draining for any human being to be pushed away by the one they love, you'll be constantly chasing unconditional love. You'll suddenly find yourself going to great lengths to make things right.