Anyone who has tried to move on from a relationship knows that it can often be a painful and slow process. However, most people also know that time heals all wounds and that everything will eventually be okay again. However, if you have been a victim of psychological violence, the time after the abusive relationship is often filled with guilt, shame, anxiety and many also experience symptoms of PTSD. In other words, you're not just carrying around a (relationship) grief, but a deeper crisis in your life that you may need professional tools to process and eventually move on and get back to your own life again. You have the right to live a happy life, and we want to help you move forward.
At Ellestedet Women's Crisis Center, we help both women and their children move on from a life with an abusive partner. At our shelter, we have the best professionals, including licensed psychologists, and in this article we will provide concrete advice on how to move on if you have been subjected to psychological violence.
A new relationship after psychological violence
Moving on from an abusive relationship can be overwhelming, as the psychological violence tends to follow the woman everywhere she goes. So, it's not just a partner you're saying goodbye to, but a whole way of being in life. The woman may feel that they have lost touch with their inner compass, the compass that tells them whether they are on the right path or not. If it failed once, why shouldn't it fail again? And they may also feel less worthy and have a completely wrong self-image, as their abusive partner has repeatedly belittled, controlled and manipulated them into believing they are not good enough. Let alone good enough for another partner.
These are just some of the thoughts and experiences that many women struggle with when trying to move on from an abusive relationship. That's why we've put together five concrete tips for moving on from a mentally abusive relationship. We always recommend seeking help if you are a victim of psychological violence. It's never too late to choose your own happiness again.
Five concrete tips for moving on after a relationship
Create distance from the abusive partner
The first step in moving on is to create distance. We recommend that you turn off and block all communication on your email, phone, social media and text messages. Moving on from an abusive relationship is a bit like breaking an addiction. Your abusive partner's behavior has been so pervasive in your life that you have become dependent on his acceptance and attention. Distance is therefore the first step to taking back control.
Use your network
As part of the psychological violence, your partner has most likely isolated you from your network, but if you reach out and ask for help, you will definitely get it. So talk to people you feel comfortable with and trust and tell them what you've been through. They can be your best support in the early days - both if you fear being alone and if you need help with practical things like childcare or moving house.
Seek knowledge about what you have been exposed to
We also recommend that you talk to a professional about what you have been exposed to. This will help you understand the mechanisms that have broken your inner compass and confirm that you are not alone. Doing so in consultation with a professional can ensure that you filter the information correctly. Reading about what you've been through can be overwhelming, and because you're in a vulnerable position, you may find it difficult to distinguish between reality and fantasy.
Use a diary to vent your thoughts
In the same way that a to-do list can provide an overview, keeping a diary can be a great way to get your thoughts off your chest. We recommend that you write down all the incidents you can remember from your time with your abusive partner. By making it concrete, putting it into words and then writing it down on paper, you can suddenly take control of it again. This diary can also be a great tool for you and your psychologist to use when talking through your experiences.
Recreate yourself by writing down your good qualities
And last but not least, you need to slowly rebuild your own self-esteem. This will come naturally as you re-establish your network and everyday life, but a concrete tool is to write down the good qualities about yourself that you had before you were caught up in the abusive relationship. By having it in black and white, you can set a goal that you want to get back to being the person you remember yourself best.
Are you a victim of psychological violence? Get help today
At Ellestedet Women's Crisis Center, our phone is open 24 hours a day, seven days a week. This means you can always get in touch with us if you need urgent help or if you need advice on your next step. We see you where you are and we don't judge you for your life situation. Reaching out takes courage, and we are only grateful that you will let us help you get back to the happy life you and your children deserve.